Tuesday, January 27, 2015

The Breaking Point

The thing about growing up is that it's really, really hard.
And just when you think you've gotten the hang of it, a cruel reminder slaps you in the face.
It's been a weird year as I've started this adventure into the so-called real world.
I don't know that it's necessarily harder than I expexted, I knew what I was getting myself into. But it's been the things I didn't quite process that I've found the most difficulty.

It's in work, when there's so much going on and so much to handle all at once. So many things to learn and piece together (because after all, I'm just a kid) all while still learning to not take every little thing so personally. Trying so hard, but knowing you'll never be able to please everyone completely perfectly...

It's in finding out your best friend will be moving and dammit, I'm tired of trying to make new friends because mine all keep leaving Logan...

It's in dating and trying to not be overwhelmed, all while being just so over it all (Men are confusing and evidently impossible to understand), especially when I'm trying to try harder and put all that I can into it and why, oh why can't it just be easy??

So I'm going to eat this ice cream, have a good cry on the floor of this hotel bathroom (classy, right), take a shower and go to sleep so that I can wake up and pretend like none of this ever happened.

In the meantime, I'll remember the things are going well and make me feel good...

That I've gone through things before and gotten to the other side just fine...

That I don't have to be perfect. I'm trying as hard as I can, and that's all I have to expect of myself.

That I don't have to do any of this alone.

This is one of those posts that I can never decide if I'll share on social media or not. And if I do, it's one that will probably end up being deleted. Because this isn't a plea for help or sympathy, or even understanding. It's simply a way to attempt to piece my feelings together, in hopes of coming to answers of my own. So if you do see this, thanks for listening. You're wonderful and I'm seriously so lucky to have you in my life.