And... scene.

Because that's all it is.
A scene.
One part closing, but another opening right away.

I sit here in bed, soaking wet from my walk home.
I could have got in my car, waiting for me just before the halfway point, but I chose the rain.
It gave me time to think.
Time to sort.

Unfortunately, the thoughts aren't as sorted as I'd like them to be.

This whole week has been a roller coaster of thoughts and emotions.
Kind of like the weather today.
Cloudy. To warm. To a windstorm. To sunny and hot. To rainy, but still singing of spring.

In just eight hours, I will walk out of the last class of my undergraduate career.
47 classes.
120 credits.
All for a piece of paper.

A week from Saturday, I will don a flowing black gown, put a cap on, and walk across a stage.
If you'd asked me two months ago, I would feel much more sentimental and emotional about that moment.
But now, it's just all going to start over come August.
Two more years.

Deciding to stay was the easiest decision I ever made.
30 seconds, and I knew it was right.
It was an instant peace.
An overwhelming calm, suppressing the boiling stress I'd been feeling.
I don't know why.
I guess we'll find out.

And then it comes to nights like tonight.
I walked into work feeling stressed and annoyed. Frustrated.
At the end of it, I walked out, simultaneously breathing a huge sigh of relief and fighting back tears.

It's the end of an era.
The end of the four years I've known.
While a lot will stay the same next year, a lot will change.

A mouth that won't heal.
A great time at my job.
A semester at its end.
A boy I can't stop thinking about.
A summer ahead.
An end.
A beginning.
A roller coaster of a week.

In the film of my life,
This chapter, this scene
Is coming to an end.

And I can't wait for the next one to begin.

Because I am Female

This is me not focusing.
I should be writing
or at least transcribing quotes.
But I don't really want to.
Or I get through a paragraph and get distracted again.

So instead, here is a post inspired by an action and a conversation from this evening.

I am a woman. No question there.
I've come to the conclusion that as women, there are certain
things
feelings
behaviors
we may feel entitled to.

We are going to read WAY too far into things you
do or say or don't do or say.

We are going to make hasty decisions.
Ones that we may later regret.

We are going to expect you to read our minds and react accordingly.

You should know what we really mean when we say "I'm fine."
don't worry, there are multiple definitions

We're going to overthink
and overreact.

When we fall,
we fall hard.


Everyone else can tell how we feel about you,
so what's your problem?
Why can't you see it and do something about it?

We get emotional about anything and everything.
And we promise, you don't want us to try and explain why.
Even we don't understand it.

We multitask.
You may not feel like we're paying attention,
but oh, we are.

We notice the little things.
When you open the door, bring a favorite treat, smell good.
We notice.

Women talk.
Oh, do we talk.
That text we sent? It probably involved three of us to make it perfect.
We tell our friends about the things you do or don't say or do.
That way we can overanalyze it together.

Moral of the story?
Get used to it, boys.
You're not going to get away from these seemingly sociopathic behaviors.
It's just who. we. are. 
You know you love us.

Please Be

Be the Barney to my Robin
the Marshall to my Lily
the Ted to my... whoever he ends up with.

the Han to my Leia
the Jack to my Rose
the Joe to my Kathleen
the Jerry to my Dorothy
the Harry to my Sally
the Kermit to my Piggy
the Paul to my Holly
the Jonnny to my Baby.

Or the Luke to my Loralei
the Jim to my Pam.
The Sawyer to my Juliet
the Ross to my Rachel.

bonus points if you know all of these references


Ok, ok... It's a little far-fetched.
I know the real thing is not like the movies and tv shows.
But the thing about these ones is that they weren't always the perfect relationships.
They fought. Sometimes a lot.
But they stuck it out. Worked through it. Made it work.
Their imperfections made them better and stronger,
both individually and together.

I want that.

The Sweetest Thing

Teach our kids to play catch.
Especially the girls.

Take them to games.
And to the park.

Can we spend Sunday afternoons as a family, eating and watching football?

Let them choose their sport.
And let's be at all their games/matches/meets/recitals.

Sounds kinda perfect to me.

Thoughts for a Thursday Evening

Just some random thoughts from tonight... And by tonight I mean the last 10 minutes.

- Mmm... Ice cream!

- oh Boy, you sure missed out today. I looked cute, and just for you. Guess I'll have to try again tomorrow.

- I'm watching season 1, disc 1 of HIMYM. Again. I've lost track of how many times I've seen it, and I don't even care.

- Dang you internets, work already!! My life revolves too heavily around you for you to not work.

- It makes me sad that I didn't have to change the time my alarm is set for in the a.m. That means THREE days in a row of 6:30 wake-up.

- I love my job. A lot.

Random Conference Thoughts

So far, so good.

Today's sessions were absolutely incredible. Everything I needed.

One of my favorite things about Conference is the way so many people can come together, particularly through social media. As the sessions proceed, thousands of people around the world are sharing their thoughts and testimonies through Twitter. With one simple hashtag (#LDSConf), anyone can join in the conversation and share the event with people who are not familiar with what is going on.

It's a way to make new "friends" and interact with others with your same thoughts and beliefs.
It is a form of missionary work.
It is a testimony builder.
It's incredible.

Saturday night is always the Priesthood session.
All the men of the church gather together around the world to receive special instruction.
While theirs isn't broadcast like every other session, there are ways to access the talks later.
I always go back and read/watch them, just so I know what to be expecting from the men in my life.
Tonight I was out with my mom and sister, but followed along a little bit via Twitter.

"Men who bear God's holy priesthood should be different from other men."
- David A. Bednar

I love that.
So much.
And it's so true. 

During the Priesthood Session last October, a friend of mine wrote a Conference-y post, and included this swell paragraph. 

"The thought of all the priesthood together right now, it so amazing to me. I don't know who the lucky guy will be that gets to sweep me off my feet, and ride off into the sunset. But I bet I know right where he is right now, and it makes my heart smile. . . right at this moment he is just sitting there, learning how to make me happy. Maybe playing with his tie, or taking a few notes.(At lest he better be! right?)"

While it's not a guarantee that "he" was there, I like to think he was. Or if he had something keeping him away, that he'll go back and watch the talks. From what I hear it was a great evening. 

Tomorrow I get to be at the sessions in person. 

I've only missed a couple since I've been back in Utah, and I love that I have that blessing. 

There are so many members around the world (nearly 14 million!!), and I am one of the lucky ones to live just an hour away from Church headquarters. 

There are members who don't even have a church building to go to. 

There are people who can't be open about their faith, people who are breaking laws of their country to be a part of it. 

So while it means waking up at 6 tomorrow morning, it's worth it. 

I'm a lucky girl and I need to not complain about that. 

President Uchtdorf always has just the talk that I need to hear and I get to hear it in person. 

I get to be in the same room as the prophet, his counselors, and other church leaders who have been chosen to bear the keys and the means to share the words our Heavenly Father needs us to hear. 

I love this gospel. 

The church is true. 

That's all that matters.

Ok, Mr. Fortune Cookie...

I'm just going to trust you on this one.