Looking Back & Moving Forward

What was it Charles Dickens said? It was the best of times, it was the worst of times?
Maybe that's a little bit over-the-top, but that's kind of how I feel about 2014.

There were a lot of laughs and a lot of smiles.
A lot of excitement and a lot of pride in accomplishing things I've always wanted.
There were a lot of tears and a lot of frustration and confusion.

It's just one of those things. I mean, that's how life works, isn't it?

2014 was a year of learning for me.
It was full of experiences that taught me what I want - and what I don't want - in life, in love, in so many things.

Bring it on, 2015. I'm ready for you.
Please be full of adventures, happiness and more to learn.

ghost of christmas yet to come

hey you... it's been awhile.

as i sit here, christmas winding down, i can't help but look forward to future christmases. i absolutely can't wait to do holidays as our little family. playing Santa for our littles sounds like the most magical thing. i can't wait to spoil you and them with the things that make you happy.

the baking and decorating and cooking and eating for days on end, sign me up. i want to spend the day watching movies and playing games and taking naps and enjoying our families.

it's a normal thing, I'm sure, but holidays alone are getting hard. every year i find myself saying "next year, for sure. i'm almost there." i'd sure like to believe that this time.

wherever you are, know that i think about you often. i'm excited for all these christmases yet to come!

Simply Trying

It's funny how life works. 

Satan is a tricky fella. 

He knows when we're at our weakest and when we're trying our hardest to be strong. 

Just when you set your mind to something, realize you need to be better, or really make any sort of commitment that goes against his plan, he comes swooping in. 

All at once you're attacked - both with the things that have always been your struggles and with the temptations you didn't know you had. 

Sometimes you show him who's boss, but you know what? Other times you give in. You let him win. 

Luckily, Heavenly Father is kind of the man. 

He gets it. 

He knows we're not perfect. He knows we're trying. 

He wants to help us and wants to get us through it. 

Just because things haven't necessarily gone the way you hoped or planned doesn't mean it's the end of the world. 

He didn't set us up to fail. 

He doesn't want us to be miserable. 

Sometimes you happen upon talks that you know you've read or heard, but they just hit you completely differently at other points in your life. That was how it went with this one... (I'll embed it later when I'm not on my phone, but it's excellent. Watch it.) 

The Hope of God's Light, Dieter F. Uchtdorf --- http://youtu.be/aOfg6NxUBkk

"Yes, we will make mistakes. Yes, we will falter. But as we seek to increase our love for God and strive to love our neighbor, the light of the gospel will surround and uplift us. The darkness will surely fade, because it cannot exist in the presence of light. As we draw near to God, He will draw near to us. And day by day, the hope of God’s light will grow within us, “brighter and brighter until the perfect day.”

Anyway... There's today's ramble. 

It's good to know that everything will be alright, you know? Things are hard sometimes, but I think that's part of the deal. 

On the one hand though, I'm glad for some of these things that have gone on this last year. 

I've learned a whole lot about who I am, what I do and don't want and what I'm capable of. 

Some of these things have sucked, but they've been good at the same time. I don't actually regret any of it. 

So here we go. Off to work, ready to be better. Ready for whatever may be ahead. 

Short & Sweet

Oh hey babe... 

For a minute, I thought I'd found you. 

Things were complicated, but the way he kept hanging on kept me hoping. 

But then came the talk. I mean, as far as break-ups go, it went about as well as it could, but it's still not a pleasant conversation to have. 

Nothing cuts deeper than hearing "you're not the one." 

Man, that hurts. 

But you know what? This just means I'm one step closer to you. 

I learned a lot over the last year. 

Things about me, things about what I want and what I'm capable of. Things about what I hope for you. 

I'm now a little bit more ready. 

Thanks for waiting. 

Getting There

Every once in awhile I get what feels like a slap in the face from Heavenly Father.

Does that ever happen to you? 

Things just come together or someone says something all right together in this Bermuda Triangle sort of way and it's just like "BAM! Get it together, Megan." 

Lately my priorities haven't been where they needed to be. 

Things were getting in the way and I wasn't doing anything to fix it. 

I got out of habits that I knew were beneficial and blessing my life. 

And while it's not like I wasn't necessarily doing anything wrong, things just felt off. 

I know what I want. I always have. 

For the most part, I know what it takes to get there. 

For some reason, I got sidetracked. 

Between a conversation with a couple of strangers at work and another with a friend, I had a pretty defining few hours. To these people, it was probably nothing. It was just a part of the time spent together and likely wasn't anything that stood out to them. 

But all of a sudden, something changed and I was reminded what really matters. 

I don't have everything figured out. There are still a lot of unknowns in the near future. There's a lot of things that I wish I understood and whole bunch of answers that I'm dying to have. 

It will be alright. 

Slowly but surely, I'm getting there. 

I'm learning things along the way. Wherever I'm going, whoever will meet me there, whatever I'm going to experience - it will all be worth it. 

I've got this. 

My Favorite Weekend

I just really, really love General Conference.
At the end of the two days, I feel refreshed and rejuvenated.
It reminds me of the good in the world and that everything will be alright.
It renews my faith, hope and confidence in myself and the decisions I make.
It reassures me that my Heavenly Father is always there and that His love is perfect and endless.

I get all gooey and chilled inside when I think about the future and the Conferences in it.
I'm so excited to create Conference traditions and memories with my little family.
I can't wait to have a fun night with my girls as we send the boys off to Priesthood.
I look forward to those days and having my own family to raise to love this weekend and this gospel.

Now, I tear up thinking of my future husband, whoever and wherever he may be.
I hope and pray that he's sitting in a chapel somewhere, watching the Priesthood session.
There, whether it's direct words or more subliminal, he's preparing to become a husband and father.
I can't wait to have that constant presence so close in my life.
I pray continually for him as we get closer to finding each other.
I pray that we are using the time it takes to get there to better ourselves and are doing what we need to be doing to create that life together.

After tomorrow, it's another six months of time to get back on track in areas that may be lacking. It's time to re-watch and re-read my favorite talks or the ones that may hold something I missed.
Time to continue to grow and prepare for whatever may lie ahead.

Server Life

Here's the thing, I love working in a restaurant. Being a server is a ton of fun. It's always something new with different people coming in and out of your life all night. There are always people to talk to, babies to play with and boys to flirt with. Waiting tables is usually a really great thing, but other times it's the worst. Guess what? YOU can help make it better and I'm here to tell you how :)

****

Apparently this is a little-known fact, but servers don't make very much. It's varies by state, but here in Utah, we make $2.13 an hour outside of tips. That's not a whole lot of money. Then, that $2.13 generally goes straight to taxes. In the almost-year I've been working at Texas Roadhouse, I've gotten maybe one paycheck that was more than $10.

That's where you, the guest, comes in. Tipping is KEY. 10 percent? NOT OKAY. These days, 20 percent is kind of the thing. However, most of us won't be mad about 15 percent. Math like that isn't that hard, I promise you can do it.

When things go wrong, odds are it's not our fault. If your food is slow to come out or if something isn't cooked exactly the way you like it, guess what? I didn't do it on purpose. As a server, we're just the go-between. If something is wrong, we're going to do everything in our power to fix it and make you happy. Your enjoyment is our priority. If something does go wrong and if we did what we could, don't take it out on us and the tip you leave.

When you come in to eat, 3 percent of the money you spend on your food/drinks goes to a little thing called tipshare. At the end of the night, we turn in 3 percent of our total sales that goes to the hostesses, bussers and bartenders. If you don't tip (or tip minimally), WE pay for you to be there and that's not cool.

If you're going to sit and chat with the people you're eating with for a really long time, tip accordingly. At a restaurant like TXRH, we shoot for a 45 minute turnover - from the time you sit down to the time you walk out the door. That is ideal for us to make the most of our night. We have three tables available at a time and if you sit there for three years, we lose money. You may see it as just a few dollars, but when you add that up over several tables over several hours, it definitely adds up.

**** 

As servers, we are only capable of so much. We pride ourselves on our ability to multitask and carry a lot of oddly-shaped things at once, but we can't do everything. Especially if you're with a large group, be patient. Remember that we are one person and you are 12 (or whatever you may be). On top of your group, I probably have two more tables full of people. That's a lot for one person to handle, so just be patient. 

YES YOU CAN HAVE MORE BREAD. And yes, I'll give you a straw. That goes back to remembering we can't do everything at one time. I have a tray full of your drinks, I'm not going to throw them down to hand you a straw. Once I don't have my hands full, I'll get the straws that are visibly in my pocket and hand them to you. Sometimes we run out of bread. It's part of my job to make sure you have it when it's available. If I'm in the middle of taking your table's order, that's not the time to ask me for bread. You'll get more, I promise. 

I'm going to ask you a lot of questions. Deal with it and answer them happily please. I want to make sure you enjoy yourself. I want your steak to be cooked right, you have to choose your sides, etc. Don't be annoyed by me trying to do my job. 

Along with that, just enjoy your time there. I want to get to know you. I want to play with your kids. I'm going to enjoy my night a whole lot more if I can make some new friends out of it. We can read people and we know when you don't want to be bugged, but it's ok to have a conversation. It's better that way, I promise.

If you're walking through the restaurant, be aware of your surroundings. There's a very good chance there's one of us behind you trying to get somewhere. Odds are, we have our hands full with hot plates, a heavy tray full of steaks or an armful of drinks and bread. Get out of the way or at least walk quickly and make everyone's lives easier. 

****

And, end rant. For now.
I'm sure I'll think of more things to add to this list in the future. 

Come in and see us and help everything be legendary! 

On Maintaining Composure

Do you ever have those days weeks when it seriously takes everything you have to just hold it together?

Like you're on the brink of losing it but there's absolutely nothing you can do about it.
The worst is when you don't even know why you're feeling that way.
I mean, there's a lot going on, but I'd been feeling good and positive about  everything, but this week has just been HARD.

Tonight it was the stupidest little things and I'd have to walk around the corner or hide in the bathroom to pull it together so I wouldn't just break down by my tables or in front of people. By the time I finally left work, I wasn't even to my car before everything finally just let loose.
I wish I could pinpoint it on one thing - have something specific to blame.
But it's all the little things that add up together... The work, the dating, the future.

So now I'm lying in bed, blogging from my phone. I'm still in my work clothes and I have one of those awful crying kind of headaches. The honest truth is, I probably won't move until morning.

On second thought, I'll probably go make a PB&J and turn on You've Got Mail until I fall asleep. Because as far as I'm concerned, those are the cures to anything.

One of Those Sappy Churchy Posts

I hadn't watched a CES Fireside in a very long time.
I'm usually working or not paying enough attention to know it's even happening.
Tonight I happened to have the night off and have spent the day working from my couch.
I was only halfway paying attention when all of a sudden I heard Elder Holland's voice.
He's pretty good at catching my attention.

"I think that the Lord’s wish for us there, and his answer to our prayer was to get us on the right road as quickly as possible with some reassurance and with some understanding that we were on the right road and didn’t have to worry about it. In this case, the easiest way to do that was to let us go on the wrong road and very quickly know without a doubt that it was the wrong road. Therefore, we would know with equal certainty and with equal conviction that the other road was the right road."
....

"I have absolute certain knowledge, perfect knowledge, that God loves us. He is good, He is our Father. He expects us to pray, and trust, and be believing, and not give up, and not panic, and not retreat, and not jump ship when something doesn't seem to be going just right. We stay in, we keep working, we keep believing, keep trusting, following that same path and we will live to fall in His arms and feel His embrace and hear Him say, 

'I told you that it'd be okay, I told you it would be alright.'"

Ummm OKAY. Just slap me across the face, why don't you Elder Holland? 

It's funny how we hear the things we really need to hear at the time when we REALLY need to hear them. 
It's also funny how other people get what we need to hear without having necessarily told them what we need to know. 

                                 

(she's kind of the best, in case you were wondering)

Things are starting to get real with this whole "finish school and get a grown-up job" thing. 

Every day something happens or someone says something that reminds me that things are falling into place. 

IT WILL ALL BE OK YOU GUYS!

Whatever. 

Sometimes, things don't make sense. You think you get an answer, make your decision and off you go. Then BAM, dead end. But it's fine, because then Heavenly Father, being the cool guy that he is, is like 

"No worries, I got your back. Let's go this way instead."

So here's to the future. We're at that point where some MAJOR decisions are going to have to be made. It's scary, but I think I can handle it. 

The Pro List

I (kind of, sort of, sometimes) believe it when people tell me "oh don't worry, you don't NEED a husband just yet. No rush!" I get that, I really do. While I understand that I'm only 24 and eternity is a really long time, there are definitely some reasons I think it would be nice to have a man around...

• someone to zip up the zippers on the back of your dresses

• someone to eat the leftover food that isn't quite enough to really be worth saving, but enough that you still feel bad throwing it away

• someone to rub the IcyHot in on the hard-to-reach sore muscles 

• someone to reach the cookies on the top shelf without needing to grab a chair

• someone to hang out with

• someone to talk to

• someone to solve the debate of where to eat

• someone to make the "get all the groceries inside in one trip" rule easier to follow 
• someone to just be with
• someone to eat the tomato off your hamburger
• someone to meet you halfway when you left something important at home

• someone to talk about the little things in your day with without feeling like you're trying too hard
• someone to get ready for. or not.
• someone to choose the next movie or tv show to watch
• someone to vent to
• someone to replace the stuffed animals to cuddle with at night
• someone to tell you when you're overreacting
• someone to tell you you're pretty on days you just really need to hear it

The list goes on... In fact, I'll probably come back and add to this one as I think of things.

I'm just... ready.
But it's fine.
It'll be worth it, right? 

Now What?

I'm sitting here working on "grown-up job" applications and letting my mind wander 100 miles an hour in 1,000 different directions.

I finally had to stop and reward all my efforts with an ice cream trip and a full disc of Gilmore Girls.

Direction #17... I graduate in May. Like, for real. Done, never go to school again, here's a master's degree, go out into the real world DONE.

I'm sorry, WHAT!?

I finally buckled down and started thinking about this whole "career" thing they speak of. I just want to stay working at Utah State. However, I feel like looking into other options and having a back-up plan is the responsible thing to do. And I hear grown-ups do responsible things... And so it begins.

I have moments of pure thrill and excitement when I think about the idea of a real job. It could be really cool to just pick up and go somewhere new. Start over. At the same time, it's very very scary. Like you just want me to up and go somewhere new all by myself and just make things happen!? No thank you.

Speaking of going places... Direction #329...
I want to go somewhere.
I want to go to Ireland and Disneyland and Florida and the middle of the ocean and Hawaii and Chicago and Seattle and Vegas and Arizona and so on and so on.
The thing about a grown-up job is that it comes with a grown-up paycheck.
And with that sort of paycheck, you can just GO.
I need time and money and courage.

Direction #726...
BOYS.
Oh boy... I'm just so OVER IT.
I watched tonight's new episode of  How I Met Your Mother and there was this whole flash forward sequence about driving to the hospital in the middle of the night to have this baby. Ted has gone through all sorts of ups and downs with relationships and life all in search of this girl. They're perfect together. After all this time and all the crap, he's realizing that it was totally worth it. The Mother is all he's been wanting and waiting for and you now what? It's worth the wait.

That's what I want. I'm sick of the games and the confusion and the annoyance of dating. I'm tired of being confused and trying to interpret every last move and word - or lack thereof. I know it will be worth it in the end, I get that. The longer this goes on, the better I'm getting and the better he's (whoever he may be) is getting. But I'm sick of the wait, I just want what Ted is finally about to find. The one that will just WORK.

And that there is my problem. I want everything to be easy. I want all these decisions to be laid out and just there.

Oh, you need a job? Here you go, take this one! Oh, you want a boyfriend/husband/wedding/etc.? Boom! Pick this one! Here's your way to eternity! 

Apparently it's not like that, though. Who'd have thought... 

So here we go. Off on this new adventure they call growing up.