Tuesday, July 13, 2010

So Dream, Dream, Dream...

"Late at night my mind would come alive with voices and stories and friends as dear to me as any in the real world. 
I gave myself up to it, longing for transformation..."
said Jo March, in Little Women.

I'm not so much creating stories that will live on for years as she was, but just stories of my own.

I sleep to escape life, to recoup for the day to come.
I sleep off my stress, my emotions, my headaches.

Sometimes (ok, a lot of times) I can't fall asleep.
If I have silence, my mind starts to race. I think of the things I've done, and the things I haven't. I think of the things I want to do, the things I wish would happen.
If I have music playing, I start to weave the songs into my own life. I mull over the lyrics or wish I was that girl he's singing about. Knowing that clearly isn't the case, I think of ways I could make it be so. Things he could say or do that would make it all better. Make me feel loved.

In my sleep, a whole other world comes alive.
I alternate points of view, depending on the night.
Sometimes I'm watching a scene unfold as if I'm watching a play.
Other nights, I'm right in the action.
Sometimes it's in technicolor.
Sometimes in black and white.
I have the tendency to create my own dreams.
I think about what I want to happen, and it does.
Like writing the script.

There have been a lot of things on my mind lately that influence the quality or amount of sleep I get.
Work, boy, friends, the upcoming semester and so much more.

"Sometimes I wonder about my life. 
I lead a small life - well, valuable, but small - and sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. 
So good night, dear void."

1 comment:

  1. Totally watched that movie this morning! (You've Got Mail) I do the same thing! Love you!


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