On Maintaining Composure

Do you ever have those days weeks when it seriously takes everything you have to just hold it together?

Like you're on the brink of losing it but there's absolutely nothing you can do about it.
The worst is when you don't even know why you're feeling that way.
I mean, there's a lot going on, but I'd been feeling good and positive about  everything, but this week has just been HARD.

Tonight it was the stupidest little things and I'd have to walk around the corner or hide in the bathroom to pull it together so I wouldn't just break down by my tables or in front of people. By the time I finally left work, I wasn't even to my car before everything finally just let loose.
I wish I could pinpoint it on one thing - have something specific to blame.
But it's all the little things that add up together... The work, the dating, the future.

So now I'm lying in bed, blogging from my phone. I'm still in my work clothes and I have one of those awful crying kind of headaches. The honest truth is, I probably won't move until morning.

On second thought, I'll probably go make a PB&J and turn on You've Got Mail until I fall asleep. Because as far as I'm concerned, those are the cures to anything.

One of Those Sappy Churchy Posts

I hadn't watched a CES Fireside in a very long time.
I'm usually working or not paying enough attention to know it's even happening.
Tonight I happened to have the night off and have spent the day working from my couch.
I was only halfway paying attention when all of a sudden I heard Elder Holland's voice.
He's pretty good at catching my attention.

"I think that the Lord’s wish for us there, and his answer to our prayer was to get us on the right road as quickly as possible with some reassurance and with some understanding that we were on the right road and didn’t have to worry about it. In this case, the easiest way to do that was to let us go on the wrong road and very quickly know without a doubt that it was the wrong road. Therefore, we would know with equal certainty and with equal conviction that the other road was the right road."
....

"I have absolute certain knowledge, perfect knowledge, that God loves us. He is good, He is our Father. He expects us to pray, and trust, and be believing, and not give up, and not panic, and not retreat, and not jump ship when something doesn't seem to be going just right. We stay in, we keep working, we keep believing, keep trusting, following that same path and we will live to fall in His arms and feel His embrace and hear Him say, 

'I told you that it'd be okay, I told you it would be alright.'"

Ummm OKAY. Just slap me across the face, why don't you Elder Holland? 

It's funny how we hear the things we really need to hear at the time when we REALLY need to hear them. 
It's also funny how other people get what we need to hear without having necessarily told them what we need to know. 

                                 

(she's kind of the best, in case you were wondering)

Things are starting to get real with this whole "finish school and get a grown-up job" thing. 

Every day something happens or someone says something that reminds me that things are falling into place. 

IT WILL ALL BE OK YOU GUYS!

Whatever. 

Sometimes, things don't make sense. You think you get an answer, make your decision and off you go. Then BAM, dead end. But it's fine, because then Heavenly Father, being the cool guy that he is, is like 

"No worries, I got your back. Let's go this way instead."

So here's to the future. We're at that point where some MAJOR decisions are going to have to be made. It's scary, but I think I can handle it.