Vent Sesh

Even though I'll be 22 in just two short weeks, every once in awhile I have those "I want my mommy" moments. Admit it, you have them too.

The fact that I'm feeling overwhelmed, yet completely in control.
That I feel as though it's not possible to please everyone I need to be pleasing all at once.

That I'm exhausted and can't ever feel like I'm getting enough sleep.
That I should be sleeping right now, but have too much on my mind.

That my 18-year-old brother has a better dating track record than I do.
And that he reminds me of such often.
That my only ex is engaged married and there are no other obvious prospects.
That I have no idea what I'm doing wrong.
That I see certain girls as obnoxious and doing things wrong, yet they are the ones with multiple dates every weekend.
But I don't want to be them. It doesn't seem worth it.
That I haven't been on an actual date in over a year.

That I turn 22 in two weeks and it's kind of freaking me out.
It seems like it should be so much more grown-up than 21 and I don't know what to do about it.

That I spend all my time doing everything.
And then just come home.
To nothing.
All my close friends are married/dating/working too much.
That they're the only ones I ever hung out with.

That I forget to eat because I'm constantly running.

That I'm scared of growing up.

The fact that it's so ridiculous that this blog is the only thing I have to spill and cry to because I couldn't possibly show some actual emotion in real life.
That I suppress these feelings because expressing them would show weakness.

That my car keeps costing me an arm and a leg.
And that I'm too independent to ask for help or demand immediate payment from the other half.
That life in general costs so much money.

That everything will be OK...
That I have words like these, from wonderful men of God, to get me through...

"You are not invisible to your Heavenly Father. He loves you. He knows your humble heart and your acts of love and kindness. Together, they form a lasting testimony of your fidelity and faith.

"Please understand that what you see and experience now is not what forever will be. You will not feel loneliness, sorrow, pain, or discouragement forever. We have the faithful promise of God that He will neither forget nor forsake those who incline their hearts to Him. Have hope and faith in that promise. Learn to love your Heavenly Father and become His disciple in word and in deed.

"Be assured that if you but hold on, believe in Him, and remain faithful in keeping the commandments, one day you will experience for yourselves the promises revealed to the Apostle Paul: “Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.”

"Brothers and sisters, the most powerful Being in the universe is the Father of your spirit. He knows you. He loves you with a perfect love."
- Dieter F. Uchtdorf, General Conference Oct. 2011 -

And that is all I need to know.